I flew down to Sarasota yesterday, working hard to squeeze in a fast visit with my folks before Summer School.  On the flight down I was repeatedly reminded why I hate flying in the summer – it’s tourist season!  It’s that one time of year when everyone in the world becomes an expert in seat selection, carry on luggage and protocol when flying.  

So, for today’s blog, humor me and see if you can relate to the following:

1) If you can’t pick it up by yourself then for God’s sake don’t bring it on the plane!  Yes, lady, I’m talking to you, the one on AirTran 200 yesterday who needed the two boy scouts to help you get your bag into the overhead.  One of those kids is now singing soprano while the other popped two blood vessels in his neck and is still in surgery!

2) If you’re on the plane and you’re sneaking in that last phone call use your “quiet voice”.  Nobody cares about the inner office memo John still hasn’t sent out – we don’t care how much you love your wife – and honestly, the kids will stay up until you get home whether you tell them to or not!

3) Seats ABC are on one side, seats CDE are on the other…it’s not rocket science and no I don’t want to give up my aisle seat with legroom in the exit row and take your window seat six rows back so that you can sit with your honey.   It’s a 70 minute flight – get over it! 

4) I don’t want to hear the sound track to Sponge Bob Square Pants just because you forgot the headset to the kid’s DVD player.  So, that means the kid is going to have be well behaved, otherwise I’m going to bring a boom box with me on the next flight you’re on and make you listen to the sound track of my grandmother’s old Mitch Miller sing along albums.

5)  And to the passenger up front with the American Girl box the size of my first house – sorry, it ain’t gonna fit in the overhead, or under your seat and yes, you will have to check it.  But I have to admit, watching you try and squeeze it into the overhead was better then any Seinfeld episode.

Okay, so there’s very little embellishment, but plenty of sarcasm.  While you might not feel better being reminded of every bozo who ever sat next to you on a flight, this was actually therapeutic for me and I feel great! 

Hey everybody – make it a great Wednesday!