A year ago, good buddy and GoingPro partner, Scott Bourne, did a rant on five of the most stupid things photo-related companies do to us. It’s one of my favorite posts, because of two things, the actual points he made are dead on and the sarcasm with which each point hits home is some of the very best.

It’s one thing to complain about the challenges we all face dealing with the rocket scientists at the corporate level, but it takes a true artist to describe them.  So, if there was a Pulitzer for reality and sarcasm, Scott would sure be my nomination.

Oh, if it were only so easy. We could give all those “rockstars” who shoot weddings for $300 a couple of pills and *poof* they’d suddenly realize what they’re leaving on the table. They’d start attending workshops and stop shooting until they really understood photography.  Then we could take the equipment hounds who own everything but only know how to use one lens. We’d give them one pill and they’d start to practice using everything in their camera bag.

Then we could give a pill or two to “professionals” who only own one camera body and hit the panic button when something goes wrong. They might even double up on a lens or two and buy a second strobe!

Whoa…what about the “I’ll-fix-it-later-in-Photoshop” crowd who take lousy images and think being a filter junkie will clean them up? They’d take two pills, go to bed and wake up realizing you really can’t buff a turd! They might even start thinking about great images, right out of the can.

My list of pet peeves goes on and on. There’s no doubt in my mind somebody out there really is working on a pill like this.  What I want to see is one for small business owners that helps enhance goal setting, marketing and business planning.  One dose would give the business owner a renewed sense of customer service and the ability to listen better to their clients!

Hey, it’s my blog and I’ll dream about whatever I want to! Wishing everybody a terrific holiday weekend.

• I was on the phone one morning talking with the Queen of Lighting, Bobbi Lane. About three minutes into the call we got disconnected. It was instinct, since I originated the call, to just call her back. Nothing rude, no “Can you hear me now?” I just started talking where I left off.  It happens to all of us all the time – what do we call it?
• The other day I called our health insurance company and got frustrated with the robot giving  me default prompts. I know it was irrational, but I dropped the *F bomb on the robot. I wasn’t swearing at a live body, just screaming out of the frustration of asking for customer service and not being able to get there.  Any thoughts on what to call it?
• Tuesday morning I was in the concierge lounge at the Marriott getting my free continental breakfast. I was all excited about making a bagel and egg sandwich with a little slice of bacon and tabasco. I toasted my bagel put it all together and took the first bite. It was horrible – I didn’t have my glasses on and didn’t realize it was a fruit flavored bagel. The whole concoction was simply wrong.   This isn’t the first time I got the wrong thing because my glasses were in my pocket! Years ago I bought a Bonnie Raitt CD in a music store in NYC. On the way home I put it on in the car and was shocked at heavy metal and just not my style of music. I couldn’t believe Bonie Raitt would release an album like this. Here it is again – I didn’t have my reading glasses on and bought Ratt – The Detonator Album! So, there are two words here – one is for morons who don’t wear their glasses when they need to, the other for simply making stupid mistakes!

I know there’s a difference, but it sure looked like Raitt at the time! LOL

• I was writing an email last night and thought I had sent it, but the hotel system sent it into the black hole and I had to completely rewrite it.  It just seems to have deleted on its own and disappeared into cyberspace. We’ve all had to rewrite things because they weren’t saved and wound up lost with Tron and the gang! We all do it, but what do we call it.
• Monday, at IUSA a woman came up to me and just started talking. I didn’t know who she was. I didn’t even recognize her name badge. I smiled, talked a little and then a little insulted, she said, “You don’t remember me do you?”  I realized later she was the marketing manager for a company I once called on, but that was three years ago. She walked away insulted and I felt badly for not being better at hiding the completely blank look on my face when it came to recognizing her. Once again, what should we call those awkward moments when you don’t hide them well?

New words show up on our doorstep every day. In fact, think about it for a minute. It’s only been a few years since we started “chimping”, “googling”, “posting”, “tweeting” and “blogging”. They’re all new words we use every day! So, each one of these situations needs a word for Skip & Webster’s New Contemporary Dictionary.

If you can’t come up with a word or two that’s fine, just don’t tell me I’m alone in having these things happen.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

I’d unplugged my computer and even the mouse.

My blogs for year-end were all ready to go

There was no reason to work, the Internet was slow.

For reasons unknown as if it made sense

my email needed cleaning and I got “off the fence.”

For over a year I’d saved every note

the ones I received and the ones that I wrote.

So I started deleting each email and letter.

The more I deleted the more I felt better.

2009 Email from Gordon, Blackmore and Bourne

Taufer, Kubota, Schrader and Dorne.

And then went the drafts I’d written, but never sent

from those days when writing just helped me vent.

When all of a sudden I jumped up like LeBron,

My joke files from Vedros and Steinhardt were gone.

Gone were the best jokes from GP to X rated,

the ones that I loved and the ones that I hated.

My email had been full with great moments and smiles,

but my computer was slowing down with the over-stuffed files.

I wiped off my tears and even my nose

The  files, like Saint Nick, up the chimney they rose.

My collection of jokes was gone and deleted.

I felt so alone, so sad and defeated.

When all of a sudden I jumped up with a grin

My backup drive  was never plugged in.

I’d only deleted the stuff on one drive!

My tasteless jokes, every one did survive!

And I heard a voice,  I thought from the sky

Was it Santa, his reindeer who had just flown by?

I realized the words were from my wonderful wife,

“Shut off the computer you dork- get a life.

It’s Christmas and you’re screaming gave me a fright!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night”

And whoever can give me the best translation of what he/she is trying to say, I’ll buy you a margarita at WPPI or IUSA!

I must indicate through simply designed for bailing everyone created by challenge. Soon after verifying all over the world diverse web-based to see viewpoints which aren’t productive, I assumed my entire life has been approximately. Living without the methods to the difficulties you will have sorted out because of your write-up can be described as considerable claim, and in addition models which might own eagerly impacted my personal full work merely we had not realized your web page place. Your current all natural expertise and then goodness around touching all of it ended up being great. I don’t know issues i would’ve succesfully done should i hadn’t happen when such a that. I can at this point be exposed to your long term future. Great moment a huge amount of for those exceptional along with consequence focused benefit. I can’t be reluctant to refer the sites to your man or woman who preferences course relating to this problem.

So to “Authentic Ravens Jerseys”, the author of this monstrosity:  Sorry ace, but I’m not about to publish your email address or open any of the attachments. However, I do want to thank you for the entertainment value and hope some time down the line you’re able to figure out what it is you were trying to say!

We’re living in the age of instant gratification. We text, we tweet, we abbreviate. Our spelling has become absurd, phonetically attacking a conversation for the sole purpose of packing a full paragraph into just 140 characters. Photographers have become “togs” & sum things R gr8 2 reed others rn’t.

We eat on the run, multi-tasking and getting a little work done so we can justify stepping away from the biz at lunch time. MacDonalds has two lines for the drive-in window and we can order combo meals, making the decision-making process even faster when it comes to the barrage of possibilities for our low nutrition intake of garbage.

New photographers, sorry “togs” jump into the market thinking because they understand Photoshop they’re perfectly capable of being a professional photographer. They shoot with wild abandon with a mindset, “No problem. I’ll fix it later in Photoshop!” The truth is, no matter what your skill set, if it’s a lousy image there’s one fundamental rule of nature, “You can’t buff a turd!”

The reality is that you can’t Tweet quality. There are no shortcuts to creating outstanding images. There are no shortcuts to building a relationship with your clients. There are no shortcuts to great marketing. All of this leaves me with one sentiment – it’s time for many of you to just slow down!

If you’re one of those shortcut, overnight, buy a camera and just add Photoshop photographers, here’s where you’re missing some incredible opportunities:

• You’re doing yourself a huge disservice and leaving a lot of great revenue on the table. A great series of images shown to an excited client has the potential to create not only more sales from the original job, but additional sales as your client shows your work to their friends.
• You’re doing your client a disservice, but not “being all you can be”. Yeah, it’s the US Army’s slogan, but it’s so dead-on, for every profession. You can’t compromise on being the best at what you do. When you present images that exceed a client’s expectations the excitement and goodwill you’ll be a part of will take your pride and theirs to a completely new level.
• You’re slowly undermining the credibility of an entire industry. The other night on the local news was a consumer protection story where a woman wrote to the TV station for help getting her wedding images. Look, mistakes happen and there are always extenuating circumstances, but when what should be a quietly resolved customer service issue gets so out of control the local news media gets involved, the business entity just didn’t do their job!  Think about the number of people who watched the story and got a bad impression about professional photographers. Even worse, think about the credibility boost the story just gave to all the Uncle Harrys and all that gear they just bought!
• You’re making it harder to build your business than it has to be. Anybody can get their first customer. The trick is to get the second, third and fourth customers along with getting that first customer to come back. Being a successful photographer is about building trust with your clients.  When that trust is violated the entire model collapses. On the other hand, when you exceed a client’s expectations you’ve got a customer for life, not to mention one more member of your word-of-mouth publicity machine.

Okay, so let’s end this little rant this morning with a few suggestions. Slow it down and pay attention to the quality of your images and the quality of your relationships. Build your business one client at a time and treat every client as if they were the only person who was ever going to pay you for your skill set as a photographer.

Focus on being the very best photographer with a mindset that Rangefinder Magazine wants to do a story about you, but you told them to wait until you had the images you wanted!   And as always, NEVER compromise!

You’re part of an amazing industry and there’s help every step of the way, providing you respect and love the craft.  And trust me, if you respect the craft, there is no way to describe the return on your investment!

This is about having fun – one of those special words I ended yesterday’s post with. Even better is knowing Kevin! And if you don’t know him, then make it a point to catch him at the next convention or workshop!  Jeff and Ross are going to be on the road as well with Get In Motion, a necessity to being a great storyteller. Use “SSS2011″ in the special promo box and there’s even a discount.

Completely unrelated to Photoshop, but definitely focused on fun – if you’re on Twitter, make sure you follow @kubotatools and @skipcohen. Next Wednesday we’re going to pull three followers at random for copies of Kevin’s new book, The Lighting Notebook and GoingPro, one of my most fun projects written together with good buddy, Scott Bourne. Both books are just starting to be available. Here’s your chance to get one of the very first copies, but you have to be following both.

Our industry is made up of some pretty remarkable people with incredible skill sets and great senses of humor! Are you one of them?

1. Give your clients lots to read! Your most valuable piece of real estate is your website, but what I don’t understand is why so many photographers junk it up with paragraph after paragraph that just don’t say anything! If a picture is worth a thousand words, then keep the copy on your site to the bare minimum. Every outstanding image demonstrates why you’re a professional. You don’t need to add a lot of words if your images speak for themselves.
2. Never bother to check your website. I wrote about this one earlier in the week, but there are still those of you who are convinced nothing can go wrong – after all, it was working okay yesterday! Ever had an unexpected problem with your car? Maybe it was a dead battery or a flat tire or just maybe somebody hit you in a parking lot! Your website is no different! When the gremlins get involved and your site locks up or is just too slow to load, it can cost you serious business.
3. “I’m too good to have a network”. Yeah, I know, you’re so good you don’t want anybody to know what you’re working on. Plus, you’re so smart and you absorb new technology so fast, you don’t need new ideas or help from other photographers. Seriously, a great network takes time to build, but every new photographer or vendor you meet at a local guild meeting, state/national convention or workshop helps you expand your expertise. Your network can help you through the toughest challenges in half the time and time is your most valuable commodity.
4. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! No, it should be if it ain’t broke, you haven’t looked hard enough! Need I say more?
5. And the last one on the hit parade: criticize everybody else! Negative sell because your potential client really wants to know what’s wrong with your competitors! Negative selling just doesn’t cut it. Ever had a contractor like a plumber or an electrician do some work on your house? They’ll always tell you the last guy did it all wrong! Don’t get caught up in negative comments. Instead talk about your own work, but spend time listening to your clients first. They need to know you understand what they want. You want to develop that special level of trust that will allow you to step into their lives and capture the moments most important to them. You won’t get there if you sound like a cheap salesman who only wants to close the sale.

Thomas Edison is quoted as saying, “Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.”

Don’t be afraid to throw out the “rule book” and show your creativity, in your marketing, your images and in building your relationships. You don’t need to give up business to your competitors if you stay focused on integrity, customer service and quality in your images!

1. Make people mine for data on your website.  This is so easy to avoid, but evidently a lot of photographers think their client base is still playing Dungeons and Dragons. They bury their most important information under a sea of testimonials, accolades and miscellaneous pages. People eventually just get tired of searching and eventually go elsewhere.
2. Don’t give people a phone number to contact you. It’s the let’s-make-people-contact-me-my-way scheme. Seriously, don’t you feel great when you contact a company and can actually talk to a live body? Your website and your business is no different. And the same goes for business cards that send people to your website instead of your phone. If they’re serious they want to talk to you, not write an email. I understand if you’re working out of your home and don’t want to give people an address, but give them a phone number! There’s no such thing as giving your audience too much contact information.
3. Put up images that look just like Uncle Harry’s! Here’s one that’s so easy to fix, but there are some photographers who think Uncle Harry is the competition.  Up go images in the galleries that are as good as Uncle Harry’s!  WRONG – they need to be better than Uncle Harry’s and really demonstrate why you’re a professional photographer! Look at your website as if you were the client. Based on the quality of your images, would you hire you?
4. Not returning phone calls and emails makes you look really busy and in high demand!  Who started this one? Seriously, there are people on this planet who think that building your business is all about looking busier than you really are and one ingredient is to play hard-to-get!  That might have worked to get a date in high school, but success in business today is about a fast response.  It’s about great customer service and it all starts with your client’s perception you really care about their business. A quick response shows you care and they’re important.
5. Confuse your audience! This one is all about showing every image you’ve ever captured. Hey, who knows, that potential bride might just have an auto parts business on the side and be really interested in your table-top product work, especially the series you did on spark plugs, tools and 10W40! Keep your specialties separate and don’t give people too much to look at that isn’t relevant. For example, wedding and family portraiture go well together, but throw in your images of the Grand Canyon and you’ll lose them every time.

I cannot tell a lie, sarcasm is definitely one of my strong suits and tomorrow I’ve got five more ways you can help your competitors! And, let’s not forget the bright side of this – giving up business means you’ll have more time to just sit back and relax. After all, you had enough business already anyway, right?

Business is tough enough in a great economy let alone the challenges everyone faces today. Putting all the sarcasm aside, it just takes time, patience and lots of work. There are no shortcuts! Work is labor-intensive – that’s why it’s called work! But knowing there’s a quote for everything, I went searching…

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”  

Happy Wednesday! See you tomorrow for five more mistakes you want to avoid!

I’ll let you know who they all are next week, but here’s a hint - only four of them missed WPPI a few months back!